Hey! I’m Kitchen – Man’s favourite room in this house.  Each morning, he comes downstairs and spends most of his day here – with me.  

I’m ruggedly handsome with hard edges and manly colours. A picture Window overlooks our backyard, (Man doesn’t know this, but I can control his mood.  If I instruct Window to let in lots of light, Man’s in a good mood. When I tell them to look grey, he’s grumpy. Shh! Don’t tell him.) a clothesline, pine trees, a compost bin, and a building at the end of a path.  Not sure what the building is. I heard him say once he was going to the ‘Stew-deyo’ then walked over to it. Most days he goes there.  

A huge island sits in my middle; the countertop is thick, unfinished butcher block. Counters travel all the way around me. He piles up mail, headphones, cables – other kinds of random junk – all over Counters.

He needs to feel like he can let go here – like I’m his room. So I let him. Bathroom told me Man’s pretty controlled up there. And Bedroom said he only leaves piles of books lying around, not much else. Bedroom is a liar, though. She makes out like she’s Man’s favourite room. But she’s not. 

Poor Floor. He lets things fall on Floor, day after day. I wish he’d sweep more often – or cleaner because we all hate feeling dirty. Every couple weeks, two ladies come and give me a good cleaning. Ahh! We love the pampering! 

Speaking of feeling gross – wanna know the epitome of this?  The silver compost bowl.  It’s great that Man wants to protect the environment, but does he have to leave this open bowl of rotting garbage on my counter?  When the bowl is full, I can almost see green wavy lines wafting from it.  A few years back, there were two such bowls – one holding wastewater that was literally black. He says we live in a desert, so we must conserve water. That was going too far. I hated that wastewater bowl so much.  Eventually Man got rid of it. Oh happy day! One down. One to go.  

He’s been very kind to me, though. Other kitchens would be jealous of the things he’s gifted me.  Like what?  Six-burner Stove and Subzero Fridge, for instance. Subzero thinks they’re Man’s favourite appliance, but Man hasn’t been very gentle with Subzero lately. Things changed since Japanese Kettle arrived.  He ordered it from some place called a Store, from a place called Van-kover. That’s not around here, I don’t think.

Sundays are our days together. We just hang out – two guys making bread. He weighs flour and mixes the sourdough.

We listen to music, and he makes a huge mess, but I don’t mind. Late in the evening, I release the scent of fresh bread throughout the house.  I won’t tell you how jealous the others get. Every. Single. Sunday. How I look forward to Sundays!

One reason he likes spending so much time with me is because the rest of the house isn’t as discreet as I.  The other rooms always ask me for news about Man. News about his lady-friend whom he talks to on the phone for hours – and hours.  But I protect his privacy even though I hate her! Hope he never brings her over.

Right beside me is a room with bookshelves crammed with books.  He’s not a library. He’s just Room.  He’s dark – not conducive to reading.  Room isn’t used to his full potential. Maybe if there were a comfy chair, Room would be less moody and more welcoming. Maybe then he’d respond when I talk to him.  I shine light on him and blow warm air on his shelves, but he keeps ignoring me. I’ll keep trying though. I hear guys dig persistence and besides, I need a backup plan. 

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